The Art of Being a Couple | Theodore Zeldin | TEDxOxford

  • Published: 17 May 2016
  • In this talk Theodore discussses how some couples can have long loving relationships.

    Dubbed the 'most popular Englishman in France', Oxford based Zeldin is a leading world expert on France and what it means to be French. He is renowned for his studies on happiness, asking pressing questions like 'where can a person look to find more inspiring ways to spend each day?'

    This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at

Comments • 224

  • om3japan
    om3japan  21 hours back

    This man looks a mix between Beethoven and Charles Aznavour!!! Very interesting, I would adopt him :)

    • Poppy W
      Poppy W  22 hours back

      Because women are being educated and no longer willing to shut up and do what they’re told 😂😂😂

      • tingneihat kuki
        tingneihat kuki  1 days back

        What a beautiful conversation. It felt like he read my mind and told me exactly what I wanted to hear.
        Thank you.

        • Sara Powell
          Sara Powell  2 days back

          Nice talk but the title is misleading

          • Val's Whitewolf Media
            Val's Whitewolf Media  3 days back

            I think listening is important I have beem told I talk to much but being along is like being stuck on a desert Island.When you have no one to talk to lonliness is like cold it seeps into your soul and rots.

            Been reading Game of thornes on my Youtube channle its important to hear everyone out then say your say. That's very hard when no one cares if I have an opinion.

            • Mana Lani
              Mana Lani  3 days back

              a very kind wise grandpa.

              • Jennifer Clymer
                Jennifer Clymer  5 days back

                Active listening is an art that has been on the decline for a long time. Mr. Zeldin speaks well of the need to listen, hear, and process not simply that what aligns with our own opinions, but that what does not align in order to come to know and understand another person. This requires truly being present and focused in the moment with another individual. This is what is missing in many interactions between people, not just couples.

                • Queen LoveOfMyLife
                  Queen LoveOfMyLife  5 days back

                  Where is this man? He should be in my life.

                  • Stephanie Wright
                    Stephanie Wright  5 days back

                    I love this man so much

                    • sidmoniz6
                      sidmoniz6  7 days back

                      Extraordinary Mind 🙏

                      • Kenny Ethan Jones
                        Kenny Ethan Jones  1 weeks back

                        This is one of the most interesting Ted talks I've watched to date.

                        • Edmisson Massingue
                          Edmisson Massingue  1 weeks back


                          • FPA von Dreger
                            FPA von Dreger  2 weeks back

                            Completely mis-titled !!

                            • Leanne Parks
                              Leanne Parks  2 weeks back

                              I love this. Thank you.

                              • Djuna Barnes
                                Djuna Barnes  2 weeks back

                                I thought this was about couples

                                • Ester Viana
                                  Ester Viana  2 weeks back

                                  He literally talked about everything other than the subject 😂😂😂 interesting talk tho

                                  • tracey yeoman
                                    tracey yeoman  2 weeks back

                                    Wonderful talk, thank you, I love this, yes fear,is a disabler.

                                    • Jody Kelly
                                      Jody Kelly  2 weeks back

                                      I want to Marry him.

                                      • Pauline Burke
                                        Pauline Burke  2 weeks back

                                        I believe that we need to have an authentic, loving relationship with ourselves first, and then share ourselves and our love with others. We have so much to share and to learn.

                                        • Val's Whitewolf Media
                                          Val's Whitewolf Media  2 weeks back

                                          Fantastic intellect and wit!

                                          • BellezaTropical1
                                            BellezaTropical1  3 weeks back

                                            BEING too humble won't fix anything.People will take advantage of you and think you are the perfect person to mess up with.

                                            • stardustgirl
                                              stardustgirl  2 weeks back

                                              Being HUMBLE means you're actually teachable, when you're a know it all , no one can teach you anything!

                                            • BraveFox100
                                              BraveFox100  3 weeks back

                                              BellezaTropical1 often times yes, but this is if you talk more about yourself and open up. Try to “interview” people ask questions and observe while little talk about yourself then a conversation turns around.

                                          • Sophia Blow
                                            Sophia Blow  3 weeks back

                                            It is interesting to know yourself. l would say it is impossible not to know yourself. Because in reality we have only one relationship, that is with ourselves, everyone we meet is a mirror of our projected selves. We connect with the parts of others we recognise in us.

                                            l learnt very recently an important revelation. That when someone criticises us, 9 times out of 10 they are talking about themselves. It's a projected self criticism. The downside to this knowledge is that is true for myself. The positive outcome is l have developed a different relationship to both critism and myself, and other people. I stop and ask, is that true of me? and if on this occasion it is true, do l need to change my behaviour? Will it benefit me and/or others to do so? And sometimes does that behaviour aid me or undermine? l check myself when giving it receiving negative assessment.

                                            I LISTEN TO MYSELF. IN DOING SO, I HEAR OTHERS.

                                            • Dasani
                                              Dasani  3 weeks back

                                              I love to listen to elders, they have such experience of life that it is always interesting to hear what they have to say. They are a great source of knowledge

                                              • Judy Lesperance
                                                Judy Lesperance  4 weeks back

                                                Most wonderful idea that I've heard on TED Talks - Art of Being a Couple (art of conversation with Others) Yes, have wanted since 1960's Love idea of being an Explorer with this idea. Will Mr. Zeldin offer classes? I'm wanting to hear more.Agree we need to learn how to converse with each other. Listening is key. Studied Human Development, Communication to discover my own answers needed. Gratefully Heard!

                                                • Lisa Seehof
                                                  Lisa Seehof  4 weeks back

                                                  I want to try this is my town

                                                  • Altair Benemerito
                                                    Altair Benemerito  4 weeks back

                                                    "I think it's impossible to know one's self. I think it's much more interesting to know others."

                                                    That's gold, right there.

                                                    • Aniek Bradley
                                                      Aniek Bradley  4 weeks back

                                                      If we will focus more on what we have and less on what we want from others. our relationships will be way better, become a giver!!!!

                                                      • Peggy Harris
                                                        Peggy Harris  1 months back

                                                        15:58 "It is impossible to know one's self. It's much more interesting to know others...knowing others is what life is about." AMEN.
                                                        When we become absorbed with the illusion of knowing our self, we become "boring".
                                                        How true.

                                                        • Naoise Pye
                                                          Naoise Pye  1 months back

                                                          This is a great talk, very interesting but the title is misleading-so if it could be changed you might give him more credit for what he had to share.

                                                          • laken1804
                                                            laken1804  1 months back

                                                            I enjoyed this. But what was the real title?

                                                            • Musicalpodcast Musical und mehr

                                                              An absolutely wonderful talk!! Only the title is a little misleading.

                                                              • Arts & Lifestyle
                                                                Arts & Lifestyle  1 months back

                                                                I very much agree. I have had that idea myself about work places and western work.
                                                                I think we need to integrate our culture into our daily lives so we don't separate our lives into to blocks. I spend all my time with my mom because I want to know her most. Work cannot fullfill me in that way. We only live once- might as well actually live it! Thank you!

                                                                • Dadson worldwide
                                                                  Dadson worldwide  1 months back

                                                                  Since wonens sufferage to todays feminism the dovorce rates have sky rocketed. Im not blaming women and the stat is began from a unfair start.

                                                                  • FreedMan76
                                                                    FreedMan76  1 months back

                                                                    Romance and marriage are both dead. They were killed by women. Many men were sad at first, but then they realuzed they were SO much happier without having to support all that narcissism. No bills, no debt, no drama and no bitches. Ahh, pure bliss.

                                                                    • giapponerosso
                                                                      giapponerosso  2 months back

                                                                      He reminds me of Einstein, possibly because of the hairstyle. Very good talk. Yes we have forgotten how to be human. I don’t class myself as Christian but I have to admit that I have found humanity mainly in Christian places. I can’t live without humanity. I m an empath so for me certain things are crucial.

                                                                      • Mountain Wolf
                                                                        Mountain Wolf  2 months back

                                                                        Okay? That was 18 minutes of my life wasted. He said nothing. Plenty of words, but no message.

                                                                        • Mike McKay
                                                                          Mike McKay  1 months back

                                                                          Mountain Wolf agree. These academics are worthless. He’s an expert on communication yet can’t communicate well to the audience?

                                                                      • Julien Amsellem
                                                                        Julien Amsellem  2 months back


                                                                        • Patrice Marie
                                                                          Patrice Marie  2 months back

                                                                          ........ THIS GENTLEMAN MAKES A LOT OF GOOD
                                                                          SENSE! THANK YOU FOR BEING AN INTELLIGENT
                                                                          EXPLORER! .......

                                                                          • Lotus Eater
                                                                            Lotus Eater  2 months back

                                                                            infj, right?

                                                                            • DarlaJean
                                                                              DarlaJean  3 months back

                                                                              I’ve traveled my whole life and work with people from everywhere. My intentions and desires stem from conversations about anything to learn about the others of which I don’t know. Even as a youngster, I just wish for each one of us to become more accepting no matter what our beliefs, upbringings, setbacks, class or intelligence because we never will know the truth about others from confined sources..They are so much more colorful and exciting to learn it from other individuals while we each walk away feeling more grateful and more successful about ourselves and those we just met..Unfortunately doing this in a confined environment is too difficult when groups, clubs and gang mentalities hold fast to one or few mindsets.... Mr Zeldin your kind heart is what this world needs more of..🌹⚓️

                                                                              • DarlaJean
                                                                                DarlaJean  3 months back

                                                                                Many strangers I’ve encountered were amazed that someone would just ask to sit with them, have a meal with them while alone, or just speak to them in passing. To listen is to shut ones mind first and set aside the ego of wanting others to hear about what they know..Looking at a speakers eyes and expressions while they speak is seeing what they feel instinctively. I think our Americanism has lost our instinct..

                                                                                • Stella Slater
                                                                                  Stella Slater  3 months back

                                                                                  I think he realized there is no Art in being a couple. He's as lost as everyone who doesn't KNOW GOD the creator of everything.

                                                                                  • Dan
                                                                                    Dan  3 months back

                                                                                    Not one bible verse. Waste

                                                                                    • Nihal Hathaway
                                                                                      Nihal Hathaway  4 months back

                                                                                      a really good video. but doesn't have much to do about the art of being a couple...

                                                                                      • Madhra AL
                                                                                        Madhra AL  4 months back

                                                                                        Kill With Kindness

                                                                                        • Madhra AL
                                                                                          Madhra AL  4 months back


                                                                                          • Tarotapy
                                                                                            Tarotapy  4 months back

                                                                                   such an ole cool hippie...luv it, luv him!!

                                                                                            • These Truths
                                                                                              These Truths  4 months back

                                                                                              What I've concluded is building relationships is a serious human skill. It has always been found and then cultivated like food has been. There are pockets and clusters of good humans who know how to be such, but also large areas of growing people who do not. If we don't move around (education & discovery means only--household moving not required) you will likely be stagnant with whatever you find around you...and that may be an abundance of selfish people in your given circumstances. I'm always looking for the good humans...where they thrive or seem to be bountiful without my help. What I've found is they thrive when and wherever part of their egos allows them to think about this topic, done so well by this good communicating human being, but then act well on it also.

                                                                                              Imagine if you were a traveler from another world who landed here on present Earth and saw X-Y-Z problems, and your world had overcome those already. You would help right? Hopefully. We acknowledge that but we aren't being the good natured, harmless change ourselves right in our backyard. Why? We feel like we're too alone in the adventure. Just fear, once again. The natives and old-timers are what keep revisiting our Earthen egos, trying to wake us up to the romance that is waiting to thrive amonsgt us. Good CommUnity is a terrible thing to waste. Come on.
                                                                                              Allied Fathers Community Unions (AFCU).
                                                                                              be in the change